As a teenager I was frustrated with my life. I wanted to run away from home. I used to imagine myself riding off on my bike. The bike I had paid for. Or building a full sized pop-pop boat and sailing off to who knows where. At sixteen I wanted to get my driver’s licence so leaving would be easier. Being one of those beings who makes many plans and rarely executes them unless I can see my way to the finish, I waited till I was eighteen and ran away to a convent. A bit of an old-fashioned solution perhaps, but I guess I could see the end of that plan.
To my surprise I found that I hadn’t run far enough… in fact I had found myself closer to what I was running from. To whom I was running from. She was there and I had to spend so much more time with her. I could have liked her I suppose but she was so annoyingly imperfect. She made mistakes and had struggles and I couldn’t love her. How dare she be imperfect.
One day, something, I don’t remember when or what, began a new train of thought. Perhaps it was the line in the Psalms ‘Recordatus est quia pulvis sumus’ He is mindful that we are dust. Perhaps it was the understanding that God loves us even though He knows we are sinners. In any case I came to the realisation of original sin. Original sin which left our nature wounded, weakened but not destroyed. I am expected to work towards perfection, yes. But I am not an angel. I am not expected to be perfect now. What a relief. She and I are getting better acquainted every day and one day I hope to know and love myself well. Then I will be better prepared to love my neighbour as myself.
Katherine Wansink Writes 